One year later…

…thank you Facebook memories for reminding me that one year ago I shared my story about postpartum depression. It was also coincidental, that this morning at a doctor’s appointment I was asked,

“What are you on Zoloft for?”

My reply, “postpartum depression”.
I see him doing the math in his head as my daughter turns 16 month old today.
“And…you still want to keep taking it?”
I affirmatively reply, Yes, I probably should have started taking an antidepressant long before I did”.
He pauses for a moment and then moves on.
One year later I would be lying if I didn’t say that there were still moments of anxiety, hysterical thoughts that rush through my head at times, or feel like I just can’t go on. I still have days where I think I’m doing it all wrong; my kids should have a better, more patient mother.  A mom that doesn’t yell so often or need so many “mommy time outs” to take a moment to breathe and get out of the noise, or that I’m only sub par at any of my roles in life.
I’ve had two medication adjustments in the past year and know that adjustments will most likely continue.
Overall, the past year has opened my eyes to the reality that I am not alone.
(Read that again, I am not alone).

lynz tat

Seeking the help that I need and allowing myself to have an open conversation about my mental health needs and journey has allowed me to shine in ways I never thought possible. With the help of friends, I’ve been able to start a support group that I’ve been dreaming of for most of my life.  I’ve been able to tell people time and  time again at our meetings,

It’s OK to just say ‘this sucks,’”

And not feel judged about feeling that way.

I know that I’ll most likely never come off my medication and that counseling services will be on and off throughout my life. I’ve accepted that this is part of my life and am trying very hard to no longer feel that it’s something I need to hide or be ashamed of.

It is just a part of who I am and I’m going to be okay with that.

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